Time to talk about things that are unholy and wrong.
In the beginning of January, I decided to try Skinny Mint's 28-day detox (or "Teatox" as they call it). There are a lot of similar Teatox products out there, but I chose theirs simply because theirs was the only one that mentioned that it did in fact taste good. Not that the others said theirs tasted bad; it just wasn't mentioned at all, which I regarded with suspicion.
The cost was about $55 (includes free shipping) so it's not really cheap, but I can easily blow $90-100 on dining out, so I can handle $55 for 4 weeks of something that was supposed to actually be "healthy" for me...
...assuming that 4 weeks of the most foul bowel movements you've ever seen is somehow "healthy". It was like an exorcism in there. You needed a hazmat suit and gasmask to go in there afterwards.
A teatox is not as easy as it seems. Even though Skinny Mint's tea does in fact taste good, by day 14 I was fucking sick of it. The same tea. Every day. For weeks. It's weird that it bothered me, because I literally eat the same breakfast everyday (for years). 2 eggs, toast, coffee. But tea is not coffee (though their Morning Boost tea does contain caffeine), and I was suffering big time. I gave up coffee AND alcohol during this teatox, AND then I also underwent an unplanned-for surgery. I don't recommend giving up coffee and alcohol simultaneously, ever, and definitely not while doing a detox. And recovering from eye surgery on top of that? It hurt my soul, guys.
But let's talk about the horrors of the "Night Cleanse". I don't know what it was cleansing, but it was probably demons. I was sooooo gassy during this teatox and it's because the Night Cleanse (which you take every other night) is a mild laxative. I'm surprised everyone in the house didn't pack their bags and move. There was nothing mild about the things exiting my butthole. FOR 28 DAYS.
Of course, someone will read this and say, "Hey, but teh toxinz r not in ur system anymore! Le derp yay!" and then after I slap them, I'll point out that there is no before and after photos being posted here, because even though I took those photos (yes, in my underwear and everything, for the sake of honesty about whether or not it delivered on its promises of removing bloat and toxins and making a person more lean and svelte)... there was no difference in my measurements (I don't know if I weigh less because I refuse to own a scale). I didn't look different in the after photo either. It was EXACTLY THE SAME. I suffered for no reason.
During first week of the teatox, I was very gassy and bloated. It subsided after, but that first week was physically uncomfortable.
And the Night Cleanse tea never kicked in until 5am the next day for some reason, no matter what time I actually drank it. I'm not a morning person, so 5am is the same as the middle of the night, and waking up with cramps to go race to the bathroom and exorcise the demons in my intestinal tract is a terrible way to start my day. And then to have to intermittently "excuse myself to the ladies room" to do very unlady-like things throughout the day... For 28 days. I don't know how I didn't wither away and die honestly. How did I NOT lose any of my post-Christmas flub? I was still exercising and eating the things I normally do. I followed the instructions exactly because I'm that kind of a person.
I was never so glad to see that last teabag that meant I was done. I was really hoping that there would be some amazing after to show everyone.
Measurements are still the same as they've always been. Damn it.
I think that the women who DO see visible results after 28 days are women who were either overweight and/or sedentary when starting the regime, changed their diet to cleaner foods (my diet is already pretty good, so there was no need to alter anything) and the teatox was more of a kickstart to a healthier lifestyle. For someone like me who is already athletic and exercises regularly and makes healthy food choices and understands portion-control... well, there isn't much the teatox could do for me that I wasn't already doing for myself... except fart a lot and shit my brains out for no reason (my favorite past time).
Verdict: If you're like me, don't bother with a teatox unless you're doing it for reasons not related to trying to trim your midsection. Those athletic women who do it and swear it makes them leaner... they're full of shit. (Actually, they probably aren't, since I am very familiar with the Night Cleanse at this point). I am sad that I wasted money and time (and toilet paper) on this experience.
You want a flat stomach? Work for it. There are no cheats or easy fixes. You can't shit your way to a six-pack.