It's been a really bad week for me. In addition to all the extra work I've had to do, I think I've really hit rock bottom in my personal life. I have had one of the worst years of my life. I didn't take a month-long sabbatical for no reason or just because I wanted to have a gluttonous, overdone holiday. I don't know where I go from here. All I can do is find a way to make it through the day. It's been hard to make any plans for my life. I know that objectively I've accomplished so much in my life. Why do I think that's not enough?
You're probably wondering what on earth this could possibly do with fashion.
When I'm depressed, one of the first things to get shoved aside is ME, and with that, all of my self-care. Showering and basic hygiene becomes a chore. On my worst days, it takes everything to get out of bed. Getting dressed and trying to look nice isn't on the bottom of my list; it's not even on the list.
But I feel worse, so much worse, if I don't dress up.
Here is my outfit today.
The jeans are one of my favorites. They are wax-coated and you can't really see from the photo, but the jeans fade into almost black along the seams and edges. Maybe the wax used is black? Either way, I love them. They're Paige Denim and since they're wax, they are perfect for our rainy spring weather out here.
I don't have much to say today because I really think I'm just good at faking it that I've got my life together. I wish people knew how empty life can be in my head. Without goals, I am blank. I am nothing. Nothing feels worse than disappointing myself, and I don't know how to be EVERYTHING that my husband needs, the kids need, work needs, society needs... Sometimes, I think I am the most badass woman on the planet. A modern day Renaissance woman. Other days, I wonder if I have sold my soul for a white picket fence and a paycheck and kids who barely know me because I'm spread so thin. Tomorrow I will channel all of that frustration into a therapeutic 15-mile-run. My long-run is a great place to just think. I am alone with my thoughts and can try to make sense of things.