Needless to say, in spite of all my Olaplexing, my ends were still a bit more trashed than I wanted to admit. Plus it was actually painful for me to wear my hair up in a ponytail due to the weight pulling at my scalp. As a long distance runner, I wear my hair up for hours at a time because I don't need to have all this crap strangling me when I run.
Actually, I know exactly why. I just don't think a freaking haircut should cost $80+. And my stylists are always increasing the costs. AAAAANNNNNNDDDD you have to freaking tip them too, or be that client that's considered a cheapass.
So there, that's why I avoid going to the salon. It just isn't worth the price tag.
I used to prop up a bunch of mirrors and cut my own hair (wavy hair is far more forgiving of mistakes than stick straight hair, especially if you wear it layered and tousled like I do), and I think I may just go that route again, and then give myself $100 of extra blow money instead.
Now on to some other news... I had a pretty rough weekend as my plans to fly my brother and myself out to Seoul to visit my grandmother completely fell through because she passed away. I went from being elated that I was free from all follow-ups and testing and had no trace of cervical cancer, to kicking myself for not visiting my grandmother sooner when she was still alive. I was too busy being angry at basically everyone I've ever been related to for all the ways I feel like they failed to protect me or care about me when I was young and everything was awful (in my defense, I really was failed by a lot of the adults who should have stepped in).
I don't really want to fly out for a funeral service, and honestly, I don't really know if any of my family members even want me there. No one has ever reached out to me, and I can only imagine it's because my mother likes to paint me like a horrible witch, while she neglects to mention all the ways she violently abused me and tried to emotionally destroy me and then try to freeload financially off of me (there are reasons I don't let my mother into my life, and it's mostly to protect my children from her).
I guess I just wait now until my brother lets me know what's going on, if we're flying out, dates, etc. I am out of the loop, but then again, I kind of did that myself. When you cut out all the toxic mentally ill family members, you often lose direct lines of communication to other family members who are more distant.
I hope my grandmother knows that after all these years, I quit being mad, and I know she didn't have the same freedoms as me, and she didn't have the same fire to go fight every fight like I do. But she did her best, and she lived a very long life. She's with my grandfather now, wherever that is, maybe it's nowhere at all.
Why is it so hard for me to go visit the motherland? I have a lot of baggage there to unpack.