So, I've spent the past few days feeling wretchedly sorry for myself and shopping for comfortable pants (I mean, hoo-ha surgeries tend to make my usual clothing preferences a bit impractical), and wondering if I'll be able to take any of the vacations I wanted this upcoming spring.
I've also been avoiding all private messages on Facebook because honestly, I'm not ready to be out there comforting OTHERS when I'm the one going through this. Responding to those messages means putting on a smile and inserting some fake inspirational amounts of hope so THEY can feel good about being a good friend to me during this. And I'm just not dealing with that yet. Unless your private message to me contains information about renowned OBGYN Oncologists that you can get me in to see ASAP through your own personal connections, or you are starting a GoFundMe campaign for my massive medical bills, or you need my address for where to ship 87 cases of my favorite wine, I am not bothering. I have a lot on my plate right now. I don't even have the luxury of truly being sick. I have 4 kids. Life must go on.
I did get silly and festive over the weekend, and there was a certain amount of freedom in realizing it doesn't matter if I order a second drink, or eat those french fries, or skip my workout today. I mean, no, I'm not just rolling over and dying, but realizing that it's 10000% okay to live in the moment a little bit more than I normally do, is a bit relieving. It's a bit sad that I needed some horrible reason like this to be more present.
Depending on how I feel, I may or may not blog tomorrow but I'll definitely be checking in here at least once per week, and no, it won't be all cancer-related. Like I said, life must go on, and I will continue to do all the things I love, one of which is blogging and sharing my outfits... even if it involves a lot of sweatpants and stretchy-fabrics. I'm looking at about 4-6 weeks recovery time (kind of like recovering after childbirth, I imagine), and that sucks because I am very physically active person, and having to "take it easy" will drive me batty. I don't understand the concept of taking it easy at all. It feels like a punishment.
Take care everyone! And don't worry, I'll be fine. <--- famous last words
AND GET YOUR DAMN PAP SMEARS PEOPLE.